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I wasn’t the inspiration I wanted to be… on any level.

I remember the moment things changed for me. “Jamie, you need to get to the gym!” You’re probably thinking that’s harsh or how rude! I get that. But here’s the thing. I was helping other people get the body they’ve always wanted while feeling desperately uncomfortable in my own skin. I was the biggest I’d ever been, feeling like a fraud and generally just not the me I’d always been. So that simple sentence was actually the loving nudge I needed to prioritise me.

But before I tell you where that moment has taken me, I should probably rewind a little and tell you how I got there.

And so the spiral began…

My weight was something I never worried about. At 5ft 6, I was always really lucky to be a natural 9 and a half stone kinda girl. It wasn’t hard work, it was just me. Trouble is, what I didn’t know at the time was I was taking that for granted really. I had no idea life could throw stuff at you that can and does change how your body looks. And age… I definitely didn’t know hormones could have so much power. Life was, as much as it could be, pretty good and my body knew no different.

Then life got harder. Now this part isn’t strictly my story so I can only share the effects it had on me. It’s a chapter I know far too many of us have to go through. At 8 months pregnant with my eldest, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Survival mode activated…

The next few months were consumed with being a new mum and helping care for my dad as best we could as a family. It wasn’t deliberate or conscious but taking care of me just wasn’t a priority. I was in survival mode, hormones raging, and the toll of everything happening was trapped inside my body. Not that I had any idea of course.

When my dad passed away, it was hard. Hard for me obviously, but also hard on everyone I loved around me. Feeling pain and seeing the pain in everyone else’s eyes too… that’s a tough one. And at the time, I found food to be a comfort.

Things were about to get darker…

For months I just continued surviving. I ate for convenience and comfort and certainly wasn’t making choices for optimum health! Friends would often joke “Jamie’s eating again”. There was no malice, they were just observing the truth. My body was suffering the effects of serious neglect. So when my sister took her own life 16 months later, both my mental health and weight were already well on their way to being out of control. That’s when alcohol really came into the mix.

This part isn’t hugely dramatic or anything. More just a case of dropping the whole moderation thing and winding down every day with a few drinks. So now, on top of the ridiculous amount of junk food in my world, I was adding a few more empty calories. Obviously, the weight really started to take hold now.

A little light started to flicker…

About a year after my sister passed away, I met my partner and this was the first flicker inside where I thought ooh, maybe I ought to take a bit more care of my body. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t exactly all in. Just enough to start making a few changes and see some progress. It was at that point we decided to try for a baby together.

Unfortunately, my body wasn’t in the right place to carry a baby and I suffered a couple of miscarriages before finally falling for my youngest. Now with all the yoyo hormones raging through my body, plus the effects on my mental health, the old habits had slipped back and the little progress I did make was all but gone.

Lockdown shenanigans!

The great gift of 2020! Lockdown. I know (or at least hope!) I’m not alone here. Wasn’t it easy to let yourself go during the whole pandemic?! Now I was back in the old habits, I actually remember thinking oh well, I’m already fat. Might as well make the most of this time! The weather was great, so a drink in the garden was a must. Zoom parties were the thing to do!

Yes of course, some took the opportunity to use the time to get fitter (PE with Joe anyone?). But nope, not me. I kind of got into a rut as no one was going to see me. The little bit of motivation I’d had to get back on track was lost as I could hide in my own four walls.

40 and fabulous?

Now lockdown was done, my 40th was fast approaching and was due to go away with the girls. I was the biggest I’d ever been. Which brings me back to the start. “Jamie, you need to get to the gym!” I stood in the post office, thinking about this girl’s trip and how I’d look in all our photos. Fabulous was not 12 and a half stone and a size 18 for me. At that moment, there was no offence taken. Weirdly, I was grateful that someone had finally seen me. For real! He got exactly where I was at the moment. I was ready. No actually I was desperate to get back to being me.

I told him there was no way I could lose weight in the 6 weeks I had. I’ll be forever grateful he completely disagreed! I think that’s the thing with weight loss. It’s not really about time. The moment is when you decide you really want it. The moment you know you’ll do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes. And that’s exactly where I was.

The path back…

Where I am today is happy, healthy and still committed to my health. Fight Club was my saviour, for my body and my head. I still went on that girl’s trip for my 40th super big. But instead of feeling ashamed, I was feeling good. I knew I’d made the commitment and knew the body I wanted and was most natural to me was coming, in whatever time it took. I really wanted it and knew that was enough.

A huge milestone for me when I got back to 10 and a half stone. I felt proud again and ready to be the advert I wanted to be for my body contouring. So, I had my own treatment to enhance all the hard words and I started helping people get the same for themselves, without feeling any shame or embarrassment because of my own body.

I guess the reason I wanted to share my story is because I want people to come to me knowing there is zero judgement and trusting I truly understand how it feels to be uncomfortable in your own skin. I’ve been there and I get it. But I do promise you this. If you really want to make the changes, be happy in the body you’ve been blessed with, all it takes is that commitment to do whatever it takes to get there.

If you need someone in your corner, you know where I am.

Sending health and happiness,

Jamie x